I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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