Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
