u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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