I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
