I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize