It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize