I wish I only lived at night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
