like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
