I'm jealous of your bromance
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
