So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
