My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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