I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
