I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
