i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I FOUND THE LEGS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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