I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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