I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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