One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We have started to decorate penises.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize