Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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