I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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