i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
