Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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