I'm so fucking centered right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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