I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
