I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
