He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
