a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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