Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
