She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
