I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
