and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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