I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
