my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
