I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
