just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
