Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
