We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
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i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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