Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
