you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
