I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
