I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
