Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
