please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
