I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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