Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
