I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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