just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
