i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
