I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
