I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
