I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
