I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
