Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
