have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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