There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
