I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
