When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
