My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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