We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
