If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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