Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
