I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
