Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
