if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
