i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
