She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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