ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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