covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
