if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
