Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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