Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
