were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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