Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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