When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.