i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.