You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.