According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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