Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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